Archive for the ‘Disease’ Category

Fashion is not bragging.
June 16, 2009

The last time I told someone what designer I was wearing, it was “Good Will”.  Ever heard of him?

I have a few designer things, and I am proud of those things – But its never good to BRAG or “buy and tell” as I like to call it.

If one is into fashion, thats fine. If one is partial to a designer, fine. But it is ugly to go around telling everyone what you are wearing. Its ugly, its unattractive, and it makes you look like a total “label whore”.

I thought this was a problem mainly in America— but obviously, like most things, it has its European roots. And I have seen the ugly side of fashion after living in Milan.

I think a lot of individuals are insecure and thus get some kind of worth from telling their friends all about the new Margiela or Prada they bought.

If you can make a lower end (cheap) product look expensive and chic, then you are a true fashionista.  If the only way you know how to look and feel good is through expensive labels, then you really arent’ a fashion trendsetter, you are just fortunate to be able to buy those clothes.

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Natural Disaster: Flip Flops
June 12, 2009

I don’t know if “flip flop” is a term that my italian friends are aware of – but I know they are aware of their disgusting appeal.

I hate flip flops. On guys. On girls. On trannys. On kittens.  Flip flops are disgusting and only good for inside of your house because the floor is dirty.  They are 1. Trashy.  2. Trashy. 3.Guido.  4.Low Class 5. Very Old Navy, 5.Trashy  6.Cheap 7. Never acceptable in ANY circumstance.

Flip flop users, keep your flip flops inside. One of the most appalling things seen by my Italian friends is Americans walking around in flip flops.  And I couldn’t agree more.

OH and PS-  flip flops in winter is not cool. You are not bad ass for wearing your flip flops in the snow… get over yourself and put on some freaking shoes. You look like an idiot.

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Conspiracy: Breast and Testicular Cancer
May 12, 2009

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Everyone has it. Aren’t breasts and testicles just tumors hanging off your body?

Parkinsons Disease
May 7, 2009

It seems like I am always driving my thoughts around, trying to figure out what disease I could have next. And, it looks like I can park my car at this one :  Parkinsons. 

Some dieseases are just too complicated to write about. So I will just focus on why I think I have it. 

This morning, I was watching “The View” with my mom, and they had special guest Michael J. Fox on.   Mr. Fox did some movies, but to me, he is most  famous for his Parkinsons.  As I was watching him, he couldn’t sit still while he was talking.  It was like the diesase was a puppet master controlling his every move. 

I realized in my own life, that im always bopping around uncontrollably and that I never sit still.  There is only one explanation for this : Parkinsons.  

Salvador Dali, Pope John Paul II, Muhommad Ali, and Barak Obama, Miss Piggy, Dr. Spock, and Matt Sabato all have been linked to Parkinsons Disease. 

There is no treatment.  Lets think positive:  Today is sunny. 

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Alopecia
May 3, 2009

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This just in, or should I say : out.  Alopecia. 

One of my biggest fears in life besides natural disaster, alligators, disease, and the Chicago public transportation is going bald. 

I learned about Alopecia the other day while watching True Life.  It is usually genetic, but who knows these days.  

Your body ATTACKS your hair follicles, causing them to fall out all over your body.  This might be good if you have hair on your butt, but besides that, theres no benefit to Alopecia.  

50% of people with Alopecia will grow their hair back within 1 year without treatment . . . But many never grow hair again.  Besides physcially, Alopecia has a huge imact on psychological issues such as insecurity, depression, stress, and social phobia.   God, sounds like most of my friends.

Bell’s Palsy
April 30, 2009

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Lets face it, what could be worse than waking up one morning with half your face paralyzed?   Death.  

 

This morning, I learned about Bell’s Palsy and my life has changed. I am afraid to go to bed. I am afraid of waking up in the morning, going to brush my teeth and seeing drool slide down my face as a result of  limp features. 

When one acquires Hell’s Palsy, typically, the right side of their face stops working.  This creates a problem not only in beauty but also in terms of : drooling, blinking, closing your eye,  and probably finding a boyfriend. 

The cause of Hell’s Palsy is unknown.  However, many link diabetes, herpes, lyme disease, and even cold air to Hell’s Palsy.  Great, I probably have all of those listed. 

Hell’s Palsy can stay for a a few days to up to a couple years.  It all depends on the individual— Personally, I don’t want it for a minute.   

There is also no cure for Hell’s Palsy, although there are certain measures you can take to aid in reducing the amount of time you have what I like to call “frozen face syndrome”.  Things such as vitamin B12, acupuncture, and face massages can help.  My thought process was: what about BOTOX/Plastic Surgury? Suicide? 

Although these “treatments” for Hells Palsy can decrease the length of it’s stay, I think the best solution to this problem is simple: THROW AWAY ALL MIRORS AND DONT LEAVE THE HOUSE. 

I send out all positive energy for those 1 in 4000 dealing with Hell’s Palsy right now.  I send out prayers and I will try to sleep without the fear of what morning could bring. 

Matt